real talk

Get to Know Me: I Got Engaged on "Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen!"

Hi Allllll!

As many of you know, I started a Youtube Channel in February after months of learning to edit and figure out all the lighting, sound, etc. and it’s definitely been fun but also an undertaking!

I really wanted a place where I could show more of my personality and not just curated photos like the Instagram platform or even my own blog where you get to see a pretty one dimensional version of me. I wanted a place to share fun stories like this one! Or get real on insecurities, or talk design and style! WHATEVER! But truly a place that was me, and a place that you guys could go to relate to someone who isn’t super polished but instead kinda all over the place and still figuring things out, day by day.

That doens’t have much to do with this video but I really wanted to say thank you for following along on my journey and just being here to watch and read my content. This video was super fun to make because it brought me back to the joy filled memory of going to New York for work and coming back engaged (and in the most insane and fun way!! )!

I hope you get a kick out of this because I sure do every-time I watch it. Chay has only gotten more thoughtful and sweet with time if you can believe it. We have been married 5 years now!!

Love you guys!

xo, Kim

My Eating Disorder Story

overcoming-an-eating-disorder-story.jpg

Hi Guys!

For "Real Talk Tuesday" today I am sharing my eating disorder story. I am telling you all about my struggle with an eating disorder in high school in order to hopefully relate to, encourage, and give hope to anyone affected by eating disorders. I didn't edit it down too much because I wanted to give the full picture but in the future my videos will be around 5 minutes or less just an FYI.

Check out my eating disorder story. XOXO

Kim

Surviving Suburbia- Why We Have Moved So Much in 4 Years

Eastern Columbia Pool.jpg

Surviving SuburbiaSo this topic seems like it would have a super clear and specific answer like a job transfer or something. But in reality, the a big reason Chay and I have moved 4 times in 4 years is that we have wanted to try out different areas before we have kids because both our jobs allow the freedom. One of the specific reasons we are moving this time around from Redondo Beach back up to LA, is that we felt it was too soon to be in such a quiet area that is so set apart from most of the city. We were trying to be "smart" for our future as well as our finances by moving to RB because we had the opportunity to purchase a great home in a popular area for an insane price. Regardless, we decided Suburbia wasn't for us juuuust yet, but it might be in the future and we are open to where God has us.

dtla

In case you are new to the blog, I'll rewind a bit. When Chay and I first got married, we lived in Redondo Beach because that's where my family was and it's where we lived prior to getting married. After a few months we had the itch to try something new and Chay found an awesome place in DTLA. To my surprise he was more than willing to move, so we shopped around and found an awesome apartment where we lived for almost a year. We fell in love living in Downtown. It was so fun being closer to my twin sister who lived in Silver Lake and good for our marriage to be a little farther from my family just because it made us rely a lot more on each other. (I am best friends with all my siblings and LOVE my parents, but sometimes that becomes your only group if you never branch out and I needed more than just familial relationships.) Instead of filling every spare moment with childhood friends and family, we did things just the two of us much more often. We grew to be so much closer and had the best time as friends and husband and wife. We also got to enjoy the diversity, culture, and less manicured aspects of living in the city, and we both really loved that. It's so easy to live in a gorgeous place like Palos Verdes (where I grew up), where seemingly nothing bad happens (and I feel so blessed to have grown up here!)  and forget that there is a lot of hardship and injustice happening not so far away. (There is zero judgement on people living in these beautiful areas by the way. I just think for us at our age and the things we love to do and be involved with, it feels right to be in LA.)  I liked being more aware of it and it truly reminded me how blessed I was and made me want to get involved with organizations. That perspective really changed things for me.

echo park

Like I said, we lived in DTLA for a year and then decided it was time to buy a home. We ended up in Echo Park. I loved how diverse the neighborhood was and how so many people were creatives because its important for me to relate to those around me. We loved our home as well and felt we could live there for a while, but knew it wasn't ideal for kids because it had two sets of stairs and no yard. It was perfect for the two of us. After living here for about a year, Chay saw a house pop up in The Hollywood Riviera (a beautiful neighborhood in Redondo Beach that was central and near the beach)  at a great price and felt like it would be smart to rent out our Echo Park house and try out Redondo Beach. We both felt like it was a smart financial decision but worried about the drastic change to our everyday lives...or at lease I did. I am a super social person who thrives off of being around people I can relate to. I feared I would be isolated and bored, but wanted to give it a try for Chays sake to have less of a commute. We also loved the idea of remodeling this home and making it into our forever home possibly. To be honest, I think the idea of creating a custom forever home from scratch was tempting since I love interior design so much. I wasn't thinking enough about the fact that I would still be in an area that didnt feel right for us at that point in our lives.

redondo beach

Fast forward a year and a half. It's been a tough year for me because I did feel isolated, bored, and the drastic lifestyle change going from being around people with similar schedules and interests to not being around anyone with a similar schedule was hard. I am not a mom so it was hard for me to relate to my closest friends and family that had kids, even though I loved the idea of being close to them. At the end of the day I realized it doesnt really matter if you're down the street or 45 minutes away , we all have schedules, priorities, and lives to live which I so get. I didnt see anyone anymore than I did when I lived in Echo Park and it's then that I realized that it's okay if we moved again. 

silver lake

Chay and I are never not looking at Redfin for fun and/or for possible investment opportunities. We saw a few houses pop up that we loved, but  then they would sell in 24 hours for way more. We started to think maybe it wasn't Gods timing for us and became content with living in the South Bay and putting down more roots. We even started to plan our remodel. We said if God doesn't provide a place in the next 2 weeks, we were moving forward with the remodel and trust that that's Him closing a door. Well, the next morning Chay woke me up and said our dream home came on the market and we had to see it that day. I was like whaaaaa?! I was pretty content at this point with moving forward with the remodel and staying in RB. so this was a shocker/ I didn't even think it would work out because LA real estate is on fire right now and there are like 30 offers on every house. Long story short, tons of the design details I requested for the remodel for the RB home were in this Silver Lake home, for a great price, and 2 minutes from my twin sis! We put an offer in and waited for two weeks. We prayed and knew it would all work out just the way it was meant to and didn't offer more than we felt comfortable because we weren't trying to "will it" to be ours. We wanted God to work it out if it was meant for us. Well the craziest thing happened- The realtor called us and said we won the bid even though there were all cash offers for 50k more than ours. They liked us and wanted us to have it!! How insane is that??

I instantly felt at peace and knew this was the right place for us. We are so excited and are now making lots of plans for movers, have already rented out our RB home and are meeting with people to rent out our DTLA place.

I will keep you all updated on the move and all the design updates! Yay! We move March 22nd and I will be sure to take you guys with me during the moving day on insta stories. Ask me anything in the comments section if you have questions. See you back here in a couple days!

xo, Kim 

7 lessons for marriage on our 4 Year wedding anniversary

Chay and I in London during New Years!

Chay and I in London during New Years!

Wow, I cannot believe Chay and I have been married for 4 years already (and together for a decade!). If I am being honest, marriage definitely has its low points, but for the most part, from my limited experience, it is the best thing I have gotten to experience thus far in life. That is of course due to the man I married, who is my best friend and the person I would rather be with than anyone else on the planet. The struggle is real, but overcoming the struggle is what makes it so much sweeter. You end up growing so much with your spouse if both people are willing to listen and speak up, which is not always easy to do. We have a long way to go, but I wouldn't want to walk this journey with anyone else.

The Thing About Marriage...

The thing about marriage that has really helped me grow in my own relationship, is the understanding that two people are coming  from totally different upbringings and experiences, trying to lead a successful relationship with different tools. The fact that they come from different households, ways of doing things, ways of thinking, communicating, viewing life, viewing religion, giving and receiving LOVE, etc., just shows me that marriage is guaranteed to be a struggle, but a worthwhile one if both people are willing to recognize "their way" is not "the way", and adapt accordingly for the good of their marriage. This is a lesson I have had to get pounded into my brain through therapy, because I used to think my experiences with my family were the baseline for everything, and I would compare the way Chay would respond to something against that baseline to decide if he was wrong or right. HOW ANNOYING IS THAT?  I didn't even realize I was doing it! I just kinda thought that since I had a "Brady Bunch" family growing up that I must have the right perspective for relationship related things.. I would get annoyed at Chay at times for not responding to certain situations like my dad or brother (who I always looked up to), so it was wrong, right? NOPE. We're all so different. Chay and I just had such polar opposite experiences growing up, that the learning curve was a steep one.

iT'S ALL PERSPECTIVE...

Chay and I are on opposite sides of the communication spectrum. This has been one of our greatest struggles. To give a little perspective, I am the youngest of 5 and Chay is the oldest of 4. My family is extremely outspoken, affectionate, and communicative.  Chay's family isn't as much, so of course, that plays into how we communicate with each other. My parents are together and his are not, so that also creates a lack of being able to relate in certain areas. Chay's whole experience growing up was entirely different from mine, which caused him to be extremely self-sufficient, independent, resourceful, and to grow up really fast. Chay was going to have to make it on his own if he wanted to "succeed" in life. These were and still are so many of the qualities about Chay that I fell in love with, but also frustrated and hurt me at times. This is because in the early days of dating, he might disappear for a while, not need to see me, or wall up during tough conversations. It was hurtful, but I started to understand it wasn't about me, and he was more than worth it to hold out for as we figured out these issues. Despite our differences and backgrounds, Chay and I both look past each others frusturating qualities, because we feel each others' positive qualities far outway the not so good ones.

 

Lessons Learned...

There are so many things I have learned over the years, but these little learning nuggets have stuck with me. These are essential for me to practice because of all I mentioned above. If you are more similar to your spouse, these may not apply. Otherwise, try 'em out! I swear, at least a couple of these lessons are universal:)

1. It's not necessary to say what you feel, when you feel it. You won't explode or die, I promise. I used to feel like "communication" meant communicating IT ALL... ALL THE TIME. Ugh, exhausting. Sometimes it's good to zip it, not to think so hard, breathe, and drink a glass of wine. It might not be that deep. If it is deep, by all means, bring it to the table...but do so in a way that your partner will HEAR YOU.

2. This leads me to my next nugget. It's all in the DELIVERY. (except when it's not and they lie to you and say if you just said it calmly, they would listen, and then you approach them calmly next time, and you get the same reaction...Still figuring this part out...will get back to you) It doesn't always work, but many times, if I wait until I am less upset to bring something up, he is more apt to truly hear me. The tone, intention, and volume of your delivery have a lot to do with the success of the conversation. When I remain calm and realize Chay is not to blame, but I still need to express a certain feeling, our talks go much better.

3. Show him you appreciate him. This goes a long way. Men innately desire to give you the world and want us to be happy. They need to hear that we are and that they are doing a good job. I mean, dont we all need that? When I tell Chay he is killing it and I trust him and beleive in him, I can see that he feels more confident. Confidence is a powerful thing that can raise people up to great heights, but a lack of it can crush a person and paralyze them in life. Especially men. 

4. Dont lick your fingers. Just a quick little tip. Chay can't stannnnd when I lick my fingers. We have gotten in huge fights about this. NO JOKE. It's gross apparently. Guys, I'm learning okay?

5. Go ahead and go to bed angry. I MEAN, I don't prefer it but for goodness sake, if you're like me, you'll be talking to the wall in the middle of the night with your husband snoring because you dont know when to end it. I could go on forever, so yeah, take a rest, and schedule a time to resolve it the next day after you have cooled off. 

6. You can say you're too tired for sex, and the world won't end. Just be nice about it (and they might be too tired too! woohoo! jk jk)  Honestly, when I got married, I got some really terrible advice from women who said "NEVER SAY NO to your man. It's horrible, scarring for them" blah blah blah. NOPE. sorry, I am not buying it and neither does Chay! He thinks that mindset is so weird. I know I am lucky because we are both very similar in what we need now. But that advice is so unhealthy in my opinion because for so long I worried about what was "normal" and there just isn't such thing. You do what works best for your relationship. Sex is meant to be fun, not full of expectation or pressure or judgement. BAD ADVICE, don't listen ladies!

7. Check in and listen. Sometimes, I think and live so selfishly because I am living in my own head, knowing my own needs. But I need to remember to check in with the most important person to me and ask how he is doing, what's happening, if work is going good...Just basic stuff. And just listen. Don't speak. See what happens. If you really wanna get some info, go on a drive. Chay turns into a Chatty Cathy and I LOVE IT! 

 

But really...

Some of these are totally silly, but all of them are TRUE for me and my relationship. I am constantly learning and trying to grow in my marriage, and I screw up all the time. Thank goodness I married a gracious, patient, kind, and amazing man who is up to the challenge.  Chay and I both lean so much on Gods guidance in our life and marriage, which helps because we are on the same page with our faith and values. Faith is the backbone to our reationship and has helped us overcome a slew of extremely difficult circumstances. Without it, we would not be who we are. 

I hope you guys could relate to some of these things and if you have any tips that I left out, please comment below! I love some good relationship advice and know others would love it too!

xo, Kim

 

5 reasons you need to take risk

(So that you can feel happy and satisfied in life.)

One of my first blog posts. I ALWAYS wanted to blog but worried about what people would think for too long. FINALLY taking the risk has felt so good and GRATIFYING.

One of my first blog posts. I ALWAYS wanted to blog but worried about what people would think for too long. FINALLY taking the risk has felt so good and GRATIFYING.

Risk.

Such a scary word, yet without risk it's pretty difficult to accomplish anything in life. With great risk comes great reward, right?

So why is it so hard to take that risk we have been wanting... desiring to take? Because all people like to be comfortable! Of course. Who doesn't?

Predictability is a large part of comfort, and human beings are wired to pursue comfort and predictability. Its innate and essential in some ways in order to have stability and healthy relationships. For instance, marriage is a good example of ways we should push through, remain committed, and pursue the predictable...staying married (unless of course there are outside influences that warrant a divorce or some sort of abuse but of course I am not referring to that!) Jumping ship because you might be bored or tired of trying would be a negative risk...Not necessarily leading to a fulfilling and life giving experience.

I am talking about positive risk. The type of risk that you have always wanted to take but didn't feel brave enough to try. The kind of risk that would actually feel good because you KNOW you have the chops to succeed in "X" risk...whether it be a new job, starting a business, putting yourself out there with a you tube channel as a creative outlet, finally taking that trip you have been dying to take but didnt feel like figuring out, or even pursuing that person you feel is out of your league.

Heres the thing, if you don't try, you will always wonder if life could have been different.

Here are 5 reasons why you should DEFINITELY take risk:

1. Not taking risk is simply not getting what you want, 100% of the time . If you risk it, your percentage of success automatically goes up.

2. If you don't take that chance, you might always wonder what could have been, and regret is worse than trying and not getting what you want. At least when you take the risk you can sleep easy knowing you took a chance on yourself. 

3. Failure doesnt exist when you risk. Success is relative and taking risk is success in and of itself. Taking the leap is a win from the very beginning!

4. Many people wish they could take the risk they have been wanting to, but dont feel they have the courage. By taking a risk, you are impacting family and friends by showing them that they too can pursue their dream or passion. After all, what's the worst that can happen? You end up right back to where you are right now (unless you put all your money in stock and lose it all...in that case youd be wayyyyy worse off, but I wouldn't suggest that. DEFINITELY don't take that risk!)

5. YOU CAN VERY WELL SUCCEED AND KILL IT, and how amazing would that be?! Risk taking is scary but also totally gratifying. It pays off in more ways than you might even realize in the short term, because it helps you to beleive in yourself! By taking risks, over time you will be able to look back and say 'wow, I took risks and succeeded in some (or all), therefore I know I have it in me to succeed, work hard, and get what I want".  

Before you take risk...

I would not suggest to just anyone to try any old idea. I think its important to take risk when you know you have a skill or passion that you can genuinely seeing yourself work at. Its essential to be realisitic. If you cannot imagine doing annoying things like editing video or pictures but are dying to be a blogger, than I'd say you might hate the day to day of blogging (unless you have the funds to outsource the menial tasks, which most people do not have) . No risk is without hardship or frustration, but the reward in the end can be amazing if you go in with a clear mindset.

I have learned in my own life that risk is super scary and has been hard when I didnt get what I wanted. However, by taking risk I have seen that I am a very capable person. That lesson alone is huge for me! I need that reinforcement in my own life as much as the next person.

You Can Do It.

I hope this post helped to encourage you that you too are capable and have so much more potential than you probably beleive. I encourage you to evaluate what you want out of life, see what is in your control to make that happen, and take positive and thoughtful risk to pursue what you want. 

I'd love to know what you have been wanting to take risk on. Let me know in the comments below if you feel comfortable. xo!

Kim

 

 

 

Quality time and friend editing

the-importance-of-quality-time.jpg

A few days ago, my sisters and mom and I all got together, like we do every year, at The Peninsula Hotel in Beverly Hills. It is by far one of my favorite Christmas traditions that my mom started with us a few years ago. 

More than anything, it's an opportunity to get together, catch up, and inevitably get vulnerable with each other over things that we might be dealing with. You see, we are a super tight-knit family, probably abnormally so. But, as life gets busier with kids and jobs, it's gotten harder to have uninterrupted times to connect and really get to the bottom of the challenges we might be facing in life..  

As I have gotten farther from my college days (now 9 years out!) where I was "friends with everyone" , I have begun to realize more and more (with the constant reminder and help from my twin sister Karen) that my time is precious and I dont really want to hang out with "everyone". We only have so much time away from work, responsibility, kids, annoying daily duties, etc. So who is going to be the recipient of that time? Your time? For me thats my family and handful of friends that feel like family. The ones that KNOW me, add to my life, teach me, and make me want to be a better more patient and giving person. 

My sisters and mom are among that group that are always a good investment of my time. At times they give and I take, others they take and I give. Advice, love, encouragment, patience... sometimes even each others crap. Thats why our tea once a year is so special. It's our night for uninteruppted adult time to reconnect (with the exception of sweet 4 year old Penny who was an angel), check in, you know, talk about the real stuff...the stuff we are insecure about, hoping for, working towards, dreaming of but are afraid to discuss in the case we dont get exactly what we want and feel like a loser...and need our loved ones to encourage us in once again.

the-importance-of-quality-time2.jpg

Friendship Musts:

I will still of course make new friends with people who cross my path, but I am just more honest with myself (and picky!) on which friendships are:

1. Lifegiving

2. Honest 

3. Straightforward with good intentions

4. Confidence building (and not in a butt kissing kinda way) and that fill me up.

5. Inspiring or Motivating- Makes you want to strive for more in some way.

6. Founded in some basic shared morals and principles

I think its also important to understand when people suck life from you, make you feel insecure, dont make an effort or care in the same way you do, or just simply, dont quite do it for you. When you figure it out, friend edit. Put effort only into relationships that give back to you in some way, and that make you feel valued.

I felt for many years that it was my responsibility to keep in touch with college friends, church friends, childhood friends, modeling friends, and the list goes onnnn. Its not. As we go through stages of life, friendships either fade out (or get "edited") or stand the test of time. The ones that are tried and true also ebb and flow, and thats okay. The amount of free time that we have to offer our friends and family also ebbs and flows. 

Our night at The Peninsula Hotel, where we sit for a few hours sipping on fancy Black Currant Tea and scarf french fries (we ordered on the side because we dont care if we look like hicks) is a time where conversations and encouragement flow, even if this season is short on quality time.  We laughed, got vulnerable, shared hard stuff, and went out on a limb to express things we would love to try but don't feel confident in just yet. It was a therapeautic and encouraging night, where all of a sudden I felt capable and valued. 

That's what true friendship is all about it my mind. I hope to be a source of encouragement and inspiration in my relationships the way my family and "edited" down friends are to me.

ALSO...

If you love the idea of a Holiday Tea and would love to get some quality time with your family and/or friends, here are 3 awesome options to choose from:

1. The Peninsula Hotel

2. The Getty Villa

3. Hotel Bel Air

 

 

 

 

Get to Know Me: 18 Facts that Basically Sum Me Up

chunkyknitsweater13.jpg

Hi guys!

I wanted to do this post because I felt it was important to share more about my life than I am able to through pictures on Instagram or snippets of my day on insta story. I LOVE creativity through photos and fashion posts, but that's a very curated version of myself. 

Soooo, I thought it would be great to dive a little deeper so you can get a better idea of what makes me me, and how I got here...

18 Things You Should Know About Me:

1. I am a twin and my twin sister Karen is my best friend and a HUGE part of my life. She lives in Silver Lake, so we get to see each other often...but not as often as I'd like:)

2. I am one of 5 children and grew up in a small but beautiful coastal town, Palos Verdes, in Los Angeles. I'm super close with all my siblings...some might think its weird...it probably is.

3. I am married to the BEST man everrrrrr, Chay. I met him at UCLA where we went to school and both played water polo. He is super duper hot and I don't know how I got so lucky to have him pick me...No really he is super hot. Look him up: Chay Lapin...see what I mean? mmmm

4. My hubby asked me to marry him on WWHL. That's short for Watch What Happens Live on Bravo and it was the best moment of my life! It's a loooong story but basically, Chay knew Andy Cohen, the host, and he convinced Chay to pop the question on Live Tv. IT WAS INSANE!

5. I watch ONLY Bravo shows and am OBSESSED with the Real Housewives franchise.

6. I have been modeling for 8 years now. I started at Wilhelmina where I was signed for 6.5 years and have recently transitioned on to a smaller boutique agency. I model and do commercials, but am focusing most of my energy these days on the blog and building a platform I love that others can relate to.

7. I get super insecure at my job A LOT of the time and have to constantly put on a brave face to get through the pressures I feel day to day. I enjoy the fashion aspect but struggle at times with the unrealistic body image pressures put on me. I try to be as vocal and open as I can be on this subject matter.

8. I struggled with mild but mentally draining eating issues in high school and am passionate about helping young girls avoid the pitfalls and hardships that mentally and physically plague those struggling with eating disorders.

9. I was a youth group leader for 3 years out of college, and felt passionate about mentoring young girls in junior high and high school. I feel its so important to be an encouraging and strong moral presence for youth to lean on because we all remember how difficult childhood could be. I had people come alongside me and I want to do that for young people looking for guidance and acceptance.

10. In my last commercial for Humira, I have plaque psoriasis. Super sexy.

11. One time at an audition (when I was first starting out and didn't have a backbone) I was asked to remove my pants because they wanted to see my legs while dancing... (bc that totally makes sense...like what?) and I didn't have shorts. So I had to dance on camera to some cheesy club song in my holy, old beige thong underwear (it was laundry day and yes I know how disgusting this is) and "woop" it up like I was having a blast. I did not get the job. That tape is floating around the internet somewhere.

12. I won a talent show in college for NCAA athletes called the BIG DANCE. My partner and I did a ribbon dance and duet to the song "Total Eclipse of the Heart". Here it is below for your viewing pleasure. Its embarrasing but whatever.

13. I live in Redondo Beach, but my Husband and I have recently had the opportunity to invest in properties. We are in DTLA a lot because we own a loft there as well as a home in Palm Desert that we rent out. It's confusing since we are all around LA so much so I have to clear this up because I post a lot from all three places and many of you have messaged me via Instagram asking where I actually live. So there you have it!

14. This isn't a secret, but I'm in love with decorating interiors and spaces. I have had a blast redoing all of our past homes and would definitely be an interior designer full time if I didn't do what I do. I LOVE an eclectic and unique but clean space so much! I do contract jobs here and there for friends which is fun to break things up.

15. My faith is super important to me and always has been. I feel so grateful for Gods provision in my life and truly feel God has placed me in the entertainment industry despite the odds to bring a hope and love to what can be a sad place at times.

16. I am the mama of two vizsla puppies and am now "that" dog person. I am obsessed with them and don't care how weird it is that they sleep in bed and go everywhere with us. They are soooo cute!!! 

17. I am a certified Pilates instructor and am super into health and wellness, but it's not my overall passion in life. I need balance. I like to try new things and learn new skills, so got certified 3 years ago and love teaching for fun.

18. I LOVE PEOPLE and connecting with new people. Seriously I'm known for talking to strangers for hours so please say hi and let me know who you are too! 

I hope this gives you guys better insight into who I am and what I am all about. Thank you for reading and following along! I appreciate all the support!

xo, Kim