How to Overcome Rejection: My Experience

4-steps-on-how-to-overcome-rejection.jpg

Hi Ladies! Today my post on "How to Overcome Rejection" comes from years of perceived rejection and allowing it at times to take hold of my mind and heart. I know that it's not as easy as watching a blog post to overcome rejection and the lack of confidence that is produced in us over time, but I wanted to share my methods, way of thinking, and encouragement.

See my video below on "How to Overcome Rejection " and let me know what you want to see more of in the comments below. Love you guys!

 

I really value your feedback. Let me know what types of videos you guys wanna see more of. Thank you all for your support and this community. Love you guys!

xo, Kim

My Eating Disorder Story

overcoming-an-eating-disorder-story.jpg

Hi Guys!

For "Real Talk Tuesday" today I am sharing my eating disorder story. I am telling you all about my struggle with an eating disorder in high school in order to hopefully relate to, encourage, and give hope to anyone affected by eating disorders. I didn't edit it down too much because I wanted to give the full picture but in the future my videos will be around 5 minutes or less just an FYI.

Check out my eating disorder story. XOXO

Kim

Why I Started My Blog In The Midst Of Over Saturation

blogging-in-oversaturated-industry-why-to-do-it.png

Why I started my blog in the midst of oversaturation... oh so many answers!

I have gotten this question in different ways over the last year that I have been blogging. Not verbatim, but in so many words:

Isn't blogging oversaturated? Why start now? Isn't it nearly impossible to grow? Well, yes it is oversaturated. But there is no one blogger that is the same and if you have a point of view and something to say, eventually you will find some people that connect to your content, style, vibe, and personality. And yes, It's so hard to grow nowadays but that's just the way it is! I cant worry too much about things that are outta my control, so I focus on creating content that I like and is true to me.

 I SOOO get why people ask because it seems like I am setting myself up for an uphill battle, which I kind of am. I even ask myself this question when I start to get discouraged and start lacking creativity. I have to go back to what made me want to share my style, thoughts, and passions with others in the first place... and that's connection. I created my blog to have a creative outlet for myself that was fueled by the things I love that excite me and make me want to share those things with others. I created my blog for connection.

I am a social being and love to be around people (which is ironic because the blog takes so much time that I am alone creating content a lot!), so having a platform to speak to people on things I LOVE helps me to feel more connected. I LOVE to put that content out there, knowing that people see it and respond. In this digital age where we keep up with each other more through Instagram than in person, I wanted to have a way to connect, inspire, encourage, and relate to women all over the world (maybe one day that will happen!). The blog is a vehicle that allows me to relate to others and hopefully have a positive impact on others, especially on topics that are more serious and require vulnerability like the ones in this series. Dealing with eating issues, body image issues, my modeling experiences, being a woman in this day and age, etc. drives me forward to be open and honest about feelings I have dealt with, to hopefully make any of you feel less alone in your everyday life. I truly want to be friends with you all and hope this blog gives us the opportunity to connect, comment, and relate to each other.

On the lighter side of things, I am passionate about fashion and style in general, whether it be making myself look trendy and on point or creating beautiful interior spaces that have character and a fun spirit about them. I really love to make things look beautiful (skin, outfits, interiors!) and it truly is a passion of mine to share my ideas, inspo, and resources to give others the confidence to do the same with their beauty routine, interiors and outfits! 

I know a lot of bloggers discuss their fave serums or brands, but a lot of the time I'm only inspired by the photo and outfit, but not the person or blogger. I wanted to be able to show that you can be into these fun and creative hobbies without being vain or boring or lacking personality (not saying that other bloggers lack personality, I just want more of their personality to show). I feel fashion and looking great and feeling great is for EVERYONE and want my blog and Instagram to be a safe, fun, and relatable place for all.

These are all the reasons I started my blog and hope that this notion is clear to you all when you visit. I truly want to support your efforts too in the dreams you are pursuing so if you have questions or comments and want to share your goals, leave a comment below! Also, if you ever want to see a specific type of content or have me answer questions, drop that in the comments section below! 

xo, Kim

 

Life Lessons I have Learned From Modeling

 Shape Magazine Image from my days with Wilhelmina

Shape Magazine Image from my days with Wilhelmina

Hi all and welcome back to Transparency Tuesday! Today I am sharing some of the key life lessons I have learned from modeling.

I LOVE this series and love learning from your comments, emails and messages so please ask and comment away! I LOVE IT. 

As many of you know, I am a model and have been in the industry for the last 7 years. I started modeling when I was 23 and am grateful that I was a bit older, unlike many girls that are 16-18 when they start. Being older helped me avoid some sticky situations where my 16 year old self might have easily been taken advantage of. When I started, I truly loved this new fast-paced industry and still enjoy certain aspects of it, but have learned a lot of tough lessons. I tend to be an optimistic person, giving people the benefit of the doubt and trusting them at their word. I like to believe the best in others, but in a cut throat industry like modeling where egos and money get in the way, there is very little value placed on loyalty, honesty, or even integrity. These are extremely important qualities of course to many clients, but in the agent-model relationship, I have found these qualities get overlooked often.

The fashion industry can be an awesome place when you are the new "it" girl at an agency or with a client, It's fun being loved and complimented, but eventually those girls lose their lustre. They often get shelfed where they don't go out on castings as much, aren't offered direct bookings anymore, and are kinda just old news, Even though these are not the experiences in corporate settings, this industry has shown me a lot and taught me a lot of vital life lessons that totally relate to everyday life. Below are some things I have learned:

8 Life Lessons I have Learned Through Modeling

1. You Need to Believe In Yourself First Before Anyone Else Will- Enthusiasm is infectious, especially when that translates to self confidence. If you don't believe in yourself or think you are awesome, capable, smart, resourceful, and worthy of opportunity, who else will? Taking risks and being fearless is hard but you can do it, I promise.

2. You Won't Be Everyone's Cup Of Tea-

Nope! And that's okay! With modeling, this is primarily referring to being what casting directors/clients/ and agents want you to be physically, but Im referring to even your personality. We aren't all meant to be besties and I know it sucks when people straight up don't care for you, but it would be strange if everyone LOVED you... because wouldn't that show that maybe you were bending to fit everyones preference of you? When you are yourself (while still being kind of course, there is never a good excuse to be nasty) and some just dont take to you, then good! They arent "your people". Moving on.

3. Losing Weight or Making Drastic Changes For Vanity Wont Increase Overall Happiness-

I used to think that if I could justttt lose that 10 lbs my agents told me to lose, I would work more, make them happy, and finally reach my potential. Such crap. I looked great and still do. Maybe not their idea of great, but mine. Yes, a few pounds can be the difference in life changing confidence or can be necessary for your health, but I'm not talking about that ( I mean just for vanities sake). Looking good feels good, but wont create long term happiness unless you have your heart, mind, and spirit in order.

4.  Have Mulitple Streams of Revenue-

Not trying to over share here but I made a ton of money the first month I got into modeling. I thought, dang, I can work a couple days a month and make a fraction of this and still be financially free! Wow. Well, I quickly learned that having one stream of income wasn't gonna cut it because I didn't get paid for months on end! Who knew? Not me. I had all this money coming, but none to show for it and it was stressful. One time, I didn't get paid for 13 months!  I started coaching, giving private water polo lessons, got my Pilates certification to teach, and was auditioning for commercials and shooting them here and there.  I had to because I didn't want to stress constantly as I waited for my checks. This mindset is how Chay and I operate even now. That's why we have investment properties. We want multiple streams of income incase a few dry up for a bit.

5. Rejection Builds Character and Is Not Personal (most of the time)-

Rejection feels awful, but a lot of the time isn't personal. For me, not getting hired for a beauty campaign has nothing to do with my actual beauty or measurements.  A lot of the time, it's about my hair color, shade of skin next to the other model they hired, height compared to the male lead, etc. It's logistics. And sometimes it works in my favor. I now know it's not personal and now have an easier time living my life and facing "rejection" because I don't want something that isn't meant for me. God has something for me that is better than what I have for myself, so I'm good with that.

6. Beauty is Meaningless Without Integrity and Kindness-

I have met some of the most beautiful women, who once they talk and reveal their personality seem so unnattractive. I get annoyed just thinking of them because they just aren't nice people. I have also met girls at castings that were more down to Earth in their beauty, more classic looking, but seem like a bombshell Victoria Secret model to me after a few minutes because their hearts are gold!  It might sound cheesy, but a beautiful heart makes a beautiful person. 

7. You're Not a Bitch if You Stand Up For Yourself-

I used to be so shy to stick up for myself and what I wanted or felt. I felt like I was challenging someone by asking questions. I have been in a few precarious situations in modeling where the photographer or client made me feel extremely uncomfortable. Watching me change, filming the shoot on a personal iphone, or asking me to strip down for an "impromptu look" thats more edgy are just a few small things over the years I have had to address direclty or indirectly. IT'S OKAY TO SAY YOU'RE UNCOMFORTABLE. In life or on the job. Speak up. I practiced in small situations so that when really uncomfortable things arose, I wasn't embarrassed to defend my rights.

8. Loyalty is often a one-way street so be certain who you give yours to-

I hope this doesn't sound negative but it's so true in modeling, relationships, and life. It may seem like someone has your back when things are fun and going great. But when push comes to shove and it comes time to stand up for you, many people won't risk it. Really know the ones who would and nurture those relationships because loyalty and honesty in relationships is priceless. 

I love modeling and being in an industry that is creative, fun, and ever changing. But there are many downsides that have taught me so much over the last 7 years. One thing I know for certain is that we all deal with so many of the same things, regardless of the industry we're in. Whatever the issue or challenge, know that you are innately valuable, worthwhile, and capable. If you relate in anyway, please leave a comment below. I love hearing from you ladies!

xo, Kim

The Body Positive Movement- My Experience and Thoughts on Why It Has A Long Way To Go

 After this shoot came out, my agents sat me down and said I need to lose 10 lbs because I looked thick

After this shoot came out, my agents sat me down and said I need to lose 10 lbs because I looked thick

Hi Everyone! Today I am talking about "The Body Positive Movement and why it has a long way to go" and I am eager to see what you think.

Also, I can't believe it's been over a month with this series already! Thank you for reading along, commenting, and giving your honest input on topics very near to my heart.

Today's topic, "The Body Positive Movement" is one that I have wanted to discuss for a long time, even before I started my blog. It's been something that has frustrated me in the modeling industry for years due to the deceiving and seemingly inclusive nature of "the movement", when in reality, it tends to do what the industry did before the movement. Take body types to an extreme and welcome those that fit into either extreme, without taking into consideration those that fall into the other body types and sizes. 

I think it is AMAZING and EMPOWERING that plus-sized models are getting so much attention these days and that so many are able to work as much if not more than "straight sized" models. Anytime the fashion industry starts including some alternative body types to ultra skinny is always a positive to allow more women to relate and feel included in fashion. The Movement is meant to broaden the idea of what beauty is and include women of all shapes and sizes in fashion spreads, campaigns, fashion shows, etc. This idea is awesome if designers, companies and brands would actually do this.

However, what I see over and over again is pressure to now be either the type of skinny that agents and clients feel is best for photos (i.e. 0-2, maybe 4 depening on the body type) orrrr totally plus, making it known that gaining extra weight to fit into plus wouldn't be a bad thing for your career. For instance, one agent/figure at a previous (BIG)  agency told me that if I really wanted to work a lot, I could lose 10-15 pounds or I could gain 40 to really kill it in the plus market. He wasn't being mean or joking, he was perfectly sincere and serious. Thats the problem. I am a size 27 jean and am a 4-6 depending on the brand and am 5'11''. I don't look skinny but I certainly look fit, and for me to lose even 7-10 pounds, I would have to go into a very unhealthy place. The alternative is gaining 40 pounds, which is not only super unhealthy for me since I am not that curvy or big naturally, but would also be terrible for my body, mind, and emotions! What if I did that because I was desparate for his approval and still didn't get the work I wanted? This is what happens all the time in the modeling industry. Agents suggest changes to cover their ass, changes are made, and sometimes results stay the same and models are left confused, insecure, and made to feel like they just aren't pretty, skinny, cool, edgy, fill in the blank, enough.

Regarding the plus sized suggestion: even though I refused to gain the weight, he still sent me out on plus sized castings to which I was met with confusion and frustration, The plus clients asked me who sent me and if they knew it was a plus casting. I said who it was and that yes, he knew. They kept staring and told me plus sizes in fashion/modeling start at 12 but they sometimes push it to a 10 or 8 but I still didn't fit this criteria. Sighhhhhh inside. Yep, I know. I said he/ I knew that but he wanted to see if I could work the job anyways. THIS WAS SO HUMILIATING. Not because of someone sending me for a plus casting (that's just stupid and a waste of time because I don't fit the sizing) but because I seemed like I thought I might be plus. Which I did not, I was just doing what I was told. This is the problem. This man thought that in order to work in fashion, I would have to gain a bunch of weight or lose a bunch, What about modeling as I was? A fit, thin, and healthy girl? Like representing the 4-6 sizing out there? Is that sooo crazy?? 

Of course I work jobs and have since I started 7 years ago for my sizing, but they're always the athlete, the pro, the all american girl which is awesome because commercial jobs are where it's at. But for the castings for "normal" girls, catalogue, beauty, fashion etc. I am told too often that my body type doesn't work for those. I look too big or thick. This is in the midst of this movement where brands are trying to be more inclusive, but that isn't so because a thin fit size 4 is being told she doesn't fit either mold! That is not inclusive. If I am not being represented, certainly many others with body types similar or bigger than myself are not either. 

I truly want for fashion and even the culture within our society to stop putting pressure on women to look a certain way, whether that be super curvy or super skinny. There are so many sizes and shapes out there, what right does anyone have to say which ones are beautiful? This movement needs to start including not only thin and plus girls, but girls that might be somewhere in between, or maybe shorter, or super tall, or athletic, or whateverrrr! If my plus friends are feeling pressure to gain more weight, and my straight size model friends are feeling the pressure to lose, we still have a long way to go. 

Do you guys feel this way or are you feeling represented in the current market? I would love to get some outside opinions as I only know what I experience behind the scenes. I hope you all feel beautiful and know that the beauty and fashion industry show a specific type of beauty. It might not represent you but you are beautiful and uniquely you as cliche as that sounds. I hope to see more diversity (this is happening more and more which is awesome), sizing, and versions of beauty in the media and fashion. Let me know your thoughts by commenting below.

I appreciate you all!

xo, Kim

 

My 3 Biggest Insecurities now vs. 5 years ago

my-top-insecurities-5-years-ago-vs-now-2.jpg

Today for "Real Talk Tuesday" (changed due to the hundreds of others that also tag "Transparency Tuesday") I am getting real about my 3 biggest insecurities that I faced in the midst of my 20's and modeling career and how they have changed over time. As always, my hope with Real Talk Tuesday isn't just to talk about my own experiences, but rather to hopefully relate with others so you guys feel less alone in some of your thoughts and lives.

5 years ago I was 25, engaged, living at home and 3 years into my modeling career. I always tell people that my early to mid 20's were the hardest emotional and mental years of my life due to the insecurity, lack of clarity, feelings of worthlessness and confusion that came with not having my life completely "figured out". The odd thing is, I have also always been pretty confident in a general sense when it came to my work ethic and personality. I know my inherent worth through my faith and feel strongly about Gods plan for my life as well as knowing I am loved and cared for. Yet, I still had a side to me that felt lost and afraid to take steps because I had already pursued some lofty careers and feared becoming that "dreamer" that had her head in the clouds.

When I look back and realize how young 25 is, I wish I wasn't so hard on myself.  I hope that if you are in your mid-twenties and reading this, you will realize it's a different world than the world our parents grew up in and we don't need to have it all figured out with babies on the way at 25.

My Top 3 Insecurities When I was 25

1. Living with my parents and not taking the leap to get out.

I love my family and felt so close to my parents that living at home while being able to model, save money, go to castings and pursue acting felt natural and smart. However, I was ashamed to tell people that because I felt like I was doing the safe thing rather than the adventurous thing. Also, with modeling, you get paid months later and never know if you can make those large monthly payments like rent, student loans, car payments etc. It has taken up to 13 months to get paid for a job and regardless of how big it is, you never known when the next one is coming. I know I did what it took for me to pursue my dreams, but if I could go back I probably would make the necessary changes to figure it out and get my own place due to the shame I felt for so long from this one thing.

2. Body type and image in the modeling world.

I wasn't insecure as a person in life, but I would get super anxious walking into my agencies or on set when the wardrobe stylist would ask me what size I was (when she had my measurements right there in front of her) to verify if what she was seeing in front of her could possibly be the model (shock and horror!). After a few years of people asking if I was curve or straight (plus-sized model or normal), It got to me. I never thought I was fat, but I knew I was looked at by some agents, models, and industry people as the "relatable one", the normal girl due to my 4-6 sizing. I was told that if I did "want" to lose 15 pounds, I could work wayyyy more and be more catalogue and fashion because my face could do those jobs, my body was just " too thick". I never thought I was model thin and had no qualms about people saying I was athletic, because I was! I tried to fit their mold in the healthiest ways I could for years, but at my thinnest I was still too thick and muscular, so I stopped trying to be their idea of thin and did what it took for me to be naturally fit and healthy. When I stopped trying so hard, I actually dropped a few pounds because I didn't care anymore and did my thing. I stopped obsessing with food intake and working out and my body evened out. Go figure. ADVICE: as women we tend to get hard on ourselves about our body image. Please don't look and compare youself to others, it's a losing battle. There is always someone thinner with a better booty and fuller lips. Do your best and let it go.

3. Career Choice

I always thought that I would be in the business world, heading up some company or being some kick ass lawyer because people always told me they saw me in those positions. I was tall, confident, and strong and felt good about my my future because I loved to work hard. Deep down though, I wanted to be an actor. When I graduated college, I felt pushed into modeling and tried to use that to pursue acting, Everytime someone would ask what I did, I was half embarrassed, half proud to answer. Embarrassed because I truly felt I was not reaching my potential at all because I knew I was a capable and smart person. It doesn't take a ton of smarts to model. It takes guts and perseverance, it just doesnt take a lot of brain power to do the job. (No shade, I am one remember?)

I was also kinda proud in a weird way because it was validation that someone else thought I was attractive enough to be a model (as embarrassing as that is to admit). Growing up, I was teased a lot because I was so much bigger than my classmates and kinda awkward. I was a major tomboy for most of my childhood years. It made me feel good that I could be seen as beautiful because I felt like the opposite of a model for so much of my childhood.

Top 3 Insecurities Now

Every year in my 20's was a learning curve which helped my confidence grow and allowed me to feel more comfortable with my career and body image. I don't even recognize some of those feelings I discussed above because I feel so far from that now. Below are 3 things I tend to overthink and sometimes get insecure about now.

1. People comparing me to Chay in the finances we bring into the household

In recent years, Chays career has blossomed and we have been in a different financial place than we thought we would be at this age. I cringe even saying that because it's weird to discuss this topic but this is an insecurity. I work and make money, but I am in an industry where it's feast or famine. This year was amazing from commercial work, but next year can be totally dry by comparison. I know that I bust my ass and that I am a hard worker, but so often I stress that people don't know that and think I am some stepford wife by their comments.

" You are so lucky to have Chay!"

"Congrats on the new house Chay!"

"Man you're a baller Chay. Kim, I bet your stoked!"

I'm liiiiiike "errrrr what?" . It's just so weird that people feel comfortable congratulating the guy assuming he makes more. He does, but I work and bring in money and always have so it totally gets to me. I know the comments are innocent (most of the time), but I take pride in my goals and efforts and know that just because I am not "rewarded" monetarily in the same way (although he is next level when it comes to hard work), I am still a contributor to the household. Even if I didn't work, these comments would still be strange and inappropriate. 

2. Wearing many hats

Being a model and acting in commercials, managing our investment properties. blogging, teaching Pilates from time to time sounds like a whole lot and also sounds unfocused to me. I am a creative person and love to learn new things and pursue lofty goals. But on occasion I'd love to pick one and be certain in my answer. But the truth is, these careers are ever changing which is why I have a few. Because I dont go to an office, my careers often don't feel legitimate to me.

3. financial stability and comparison

Over the last few years, it's been an interesting learning curve to see first hand or "over hear" what people have to say about Chay and I investing in property, going on trips here and there, or getting a new car when mine died. It's been super uncomfortable for me at times. It has actually really hurt my feelings because instead of being happy for us, it's pretty clear some people get competitive vs. supportive. Making comments about their car, their house, their "things" when it's like "whats that got to do with anything?" We have never thrown a housewarming party because we don't want to seem like were "celebrating too much" or bragging (although I think we finally will!). Even when I have mentioned we are going somewhere for vacation, the response is like "cool." Another friend says they are going on vacation with their hubby and its like " OH MY GOSH I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO GO THERE! GOOD FOR YOU GUYS!" I don't need this intense validation but I really just want my friends/siblings to feel happy for me like they do for the others in our group. I get the dynamic and understand the insecurity, but it's tiring after a while because it makes me realize something so small as money can get in the way of others having genuine happiness for you. That's been a bummer to figure out.

 

 

It's interesting to me how my "insecurities" have changed so much over the years. I never thought I would be freed from the burden of negative body image. I have heard people say it's a life long battle, but if you're dealing with this right now, know that it doesn't have to be. Knowing who you are and not being swayed by comparison was the start of my healing.

We also live in a different world today and many people are pursuing multiple passions. I want to feel good about myself, and if I do, then that's it. No one else gets to have a say. (Or at least that's what I am working towards.)

Lastly, finances shouldn't define or change the way you view your friends. (regardless if they have above and beyond or are struggling) Let their character and the way they treat others dictate that.  Have any of you dealt with any of these things in the past? I would love your input if you relate to either side. 

I appreciate you guys and value your honest feedback!

xo, Kim

 

 

Contentment vs. Settling

contentment-vs-settling-kimberly-rabbit.jpg

Hi guys! Today is our third #TransparencyTuesday. I have been loving this series so much and value everyone's feedback, comments, and input! Today's topic had been something that I have been struggling with back and forth for the last year specifically, but really over the last few years.

Contentment vs. Settling. The two can easily be mistaken for the other, but they are very different. In desire to always be content in my circumstances, not looking to the right or to the left to see what others have/are doing/succeeding in, in order to feel good about myself. I want to stay in my lane and do the things I believe God is calling me to do. I want to be joyful and satisfied regardless of finances, job accolades, or relationship status simply by living intentionally following the path I feel God is leading me down. This is contentment to me.

However, I do not want to settle. Settling can simply be not pursuing your goals or dreams because you are leaning on the crutch of perceived contentment.I believe thats the cruch of comfort, not contentment. We get one life to live. And I don't believe that we are meant to sit back in comfort and just be "content"... not asking for "too much" from God. I'm not referring to monetary or material items, I mean for purpose, direction, community, and for God to use us in relationships and our industries to make a difference. I have heard people say to me "you need to be content where you're at" when I've asked for advice on my career, how I'm to move forward with job opportunities, or even as Chay and I have debated business decisions. Some peoples go-to advice is to "BE content". I agree this is great advice if it's clear someone is lacking contentment, reaching constantly for the next best thing to make them happy. But, what about for those that genuinely feel content in life and with God but still have drive for certain goals and dreams? This is how I feel.

Here's the thing. YES, Contentment is vital. It's key to feeling happy. BUT, when you feel content and at peace in life about how everything is going, truly satisfied in God and your relationships but still have a yearning and a desire towards new ventures or goals, DON'T SETTLE. God is not small and shouldn't be put in your box of things you think are feasible in life. He is God. If you are listening intently and He is guiding your steps through faith, you can trust Him. You can have contentment and still dream for the future, and ask God to focus those dreams and efforts. This is not selfish or lacking contentment. 

I struggled with whether or not I was simply lacking contentment or just settling over the last year and a half as I lived in Redondo Beach, where we had moved for a period to try out being closer to friends and family as well as Chay's work. I was not happy, I felt isolated, lonely, and bored and felt as if life was passing me by. It seems dramatic to say that, but for me, being around people who have similar passions, aspirations, and hopes for the future is essential to my feeling connected. I would get down on myself because I felt a yearning to move, but knew how good I had it where I was at. I knew I was so blessed but also felt like living here wasn't our path. I knew there was more but felt so guilty asking for it. Have you ever felt that way? These feelings of guilt and shame are not from God. I learned that I was not discontent, I felt like I was settling.

Once I realized I was restless because God was calling me out of where I was, things became so much easier. I could trust that if He had something for me, He would provide it. I chose not to settle but remained content with the outcome. When He provided the means for us to move despite all the odds against us, we KNEW we were affirmed in our thoughts and feelings.( If you dont yet know the story of how God arranged for us to move, check out this post.)

 
there-is-more-learning-contentment-vs.settling-trusting-god.jpg
 

Are you content with where God has you, yet still yearn for more out of life? I believe this is choosing not to settle.  Push on towards the things He has laid on your heart. It is not a coincidence that you have certain passions and traits. Play to your strengths and trust God in the process of how we will use them to create community, influence. and purpose in your life. 

Or Are you feeling like you are settling? Does it feel overwhelming to take the steps that you know you have to take to have the life you believe God has for you? I encourage you to trust that God is so much bigger than you/ or I give Him credit for.  I truly believe that we need to take steps in order for God to direct those steps and change our course. However, we need to move, we need to trust, and we need to seek Him first because at least for me, I feel lost when I don't. 

There is a huge difference  between settling and feeling content. I also want to encourage you to be honest with yourself and figure out if you are truly settling when you have convinced yourself you are content, almost wearing it as a badge of honor. Being" okay"  with your circumstances is great but don't cheat yourself out of the wide open life that God has for you by believing that you are content when you are really just settling. I have been there and it sucks.  That mind set only keeps you from pursuing the life you know you could lead if you got a little uncomfortable by deciding not to settle! 

What do you think? I would love to know the experiences you have had and if you agree or disagree. I love your input! 

See you in a couple days guys! 

xo, Kim

 

SHOP THE POST

Motherhood: My Honest Thoughts on Having Kids

 Me and my fur babies:)

Me and my fur babies:)

Motherhood: My Honest Thoughts on Having Kids

The topic of motherhood and having kids is something that is very relevant to my life right now as so many of my friends and family are having children. I turned 30 this year, and it seems as every year passes since I have gotten married (at 26), more and more people ask me when I too am going to have kids. To be honest, it doesn't bug me the way I know it bugs other women who are asked, but it does give me a little anxiety because I am just not there yet. At times, I also sense judgment from some who don't think my answer of "not now" is good enough. I feel like I get one of two responses when I tell people "Not for a while!" -

1."What are you waiting for? You'll never be prepared for it! Nothing can prepare you for this so why not just start now while you're young? You don't want to be older having kids, it's hard enough as it is!": which also makes me wonder why people have kids because this doesn't seem like a super positive response. I also feel like if I know I am not wanting kids now, why force it simply because I don't want to be "old" having kids. I'm not talking 40's, just early to mid thirties. That's not even in the. "danger zone" and people still try and talk me out of it. I'm not married to any specific age, I just know I'm not trying for kids right now.

Another response I get is:

2. "Taaaaaake your time honey, parenthood is foreverrrrr. If I could have gone back, I would have waited till I traveled more/ established my career/ spent more time with my husband. You can't return them!":  Which of course makes me think motherhood sounds miserable, something I may want to avoid, and possibly makes me feel like I would regret it based on some of these women's responses. 

The Itch

The thing is, I am not afraid of having kids. If I found out I was pregnant, I would totally roll with it and prepare myself for the new lifestyle change and all that comes with having kids. However, Chay and I are both not in the space where we desire kids yet. We don't have the itch! In fact I don't even know what that feels like. I have never longed for children, but I did assume I would have kids. To be honest. we have discussed the idea of not having kids at all. We both don't want to do things simply because that's just "what you do" at a certain age. I never want to live my life that way. I want to do what feels right to Chay and I as we pray for our future and ask God for guidance. If I am not feeling it at all, I'm not forcing it. We love the idea of a family, and if God has it for us, it will happen in due time.

Family Dynamic

I have had the blessing of getting to see siblings and many close friends become parents. When you get to see others parent, it's truly impressive because it looks (and is) exhausting, yet they keep doing it ("because you can't return them!") with so much love. However, when you're an onlooker, it just seems daunting. I know that sounds horrible, but it just looks overwhelming and tireless. I get anxious and stressed out thinking about it. Also, I'm one of 5 and all of us are hoping to have our moms help. But my mom can only do so much and in my heart, I don't think it's fair to take all her time up with babysitting once we all have kids. She raised her kids (and God bless her because she did it with a full-time job raising 5 kids) and now is her time to do whatever she wants. I know she loves it more than anything, but she is also super social and should have that time to do all the fun stuff she sacrificed for so long.  Only 2 of my siblings are parents so far, and it seems like whenever I talk to my mom she is with a grandkid or working, so I can't imagine when the rest of us have kids. I'm scared of not having the help I need from a trusted source. Even if I can afford help, it's not the same as a parent who loves your kid like you do. I can't even leave my dogs with strangers, I can't imagine my own baby.  I don't want my mom stretched thin and I also don't want to take help from my other siblings when and if I need it, so this also makes me nervous.

Isolation

This is probably my biggest fear. Losing contact with many friends and losing my identity by being "mom" all the time, when there are so many parts to me that I care about. I want to keep working, but my work isn't as regimented so wouldn't allow me to get out by going to an office. I blog and model/act so while I get back into shape, which takes a bit, I would not be getting modeling jobs, and blogging is all done from home. I don't make money at this point from blogging to be able to justify paying someone to stay with my kid while I shoot/write which scares me because I dont want to give up something I love.  I know it's difficult to continue to work from home because there is little to no free time for moms. Am I just expected to drop all my aspirations and be chained to the house? I know the baby stages are just that, stages, but it seems like a long stage to be in and not get totally discouraged.  I am a big people person and find energy being around other like minded people. I love spending time with people and don't want to become a recluse simply because it's easier to be at home. I know this is not good for my soul or my emotions. I learned that from being in Redondo Beach which was isolating enough and I didn't even have kids.  I know in my heart that God would carry me through this time and that I would most likely love being a mom, but every moms experience is so different and I won't know till I am one which scares me.

Marriage

This is one of the smaller fears for me because I have so much faith in Chays ability to be an amazing father, and it's something I know would resolve itself in time. I love my marriage and have so much fun with Chay. It's also taken a long time for us to truly get on the same page emotionally and mentally in order to meet the needs of the other person. Communication hasn't been our strong suit in the past and I really don't want having kids to make us go backwards. We have been forced to face hard things in our marriage due to outside circumstances that have caused incredible amounts of pain and stress, and I fear that having a child will put us in the stressed out/ non communicating boat again. For me, that is prison and I feel most hurt and isolated when Chay and I aren't on the same page, talking openly, and laughing together.

All in all, I know I am going to make a great mom because I know how much I love and care about people. Having children would only magnify that for me. It's more of the early stages that scare me due to the restrictions on time, freedom, identity, and having my creative outlets but I also know everything in life is "figureoutable". I also know Chay is going to be the best dad and I want to see that because I think that will be a huge blessing.

Does anyone else feel this way? I'm assuming yes, but I would love any input you might have if you felt this way and had kids, don't have kids yet, or you decided you aren't going to have kids and have input on why. I am so curious and would love any feedback on the matter! I read your comments and will be responding to them all today. Thank you for reading and being a part of this community!! 

xoxo, Kim